I Watch

Morning and night I'm drawn to the curtainless living room windows. I know the people outside can see me so I try not to stay too long. But I can resist staring.
I watch the people walking up and down the street.
I watch the people standing on the stoops watching the world go by.
I watch people talking to each other.
I watch the mailman come.
I watch the man walking his dog.
I watch the white girl with the big sunglasses walking down the street.
I watch the homeless guy going through the trash cans.
I watch, I watch, I watch.
If I identify with the person, I try to see if they feel safe. If I see the person as different from me, I try to determine if they mean good or ill.
I've been watching from a state of fear and interpreting the world through that veil. Once I realized the tension I have while watching and the skepticism I had, I've tried to actively change my thought process.

Now I approach the window with a positive feeling. I look at those that are talking and try to think thoughts like "Isn't it wonderful to see people in the community talking to each other?" I try to focus on the smiling people. I actively look for examples of safety and security to reinforce that thought process.
I used to see the street as safe. I used to step out into the cool air and the sun and feel the freshness of the day. I used to smile at people coming in and out of my building. I used to feel at ease.

I want that feeling back.